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This Photographer's Life

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Fare Thee Well: grateful reflections on being a wife, mother, and me.

Blayne Macauley July 7, 2015

This past weekend Jimmy and I went to Chicago for the Fare Thee Well Grateful Dead Tour.  I had a lot of apprehension leading up to the trip.  Oliver has become super attached to me, and he calls out "mama" about a thousand times a day.  The thought of leaving him induced a pretty severe dose of mom guilt.  It's strange to think that just a few years ago my needs were my number one priority.  Maybe that's selfish to say, but my main concern throughout the day was getting where I needed to be, doing what I needed to do, and making myself happy.  In 4 short years, I met Jimmy, got married, and had a baby.  Now it seems like my needs come third, and while I'm so happy where I am in life and wouldn't trade it for anything, I am still struck sometimes by what a major change it is.  Being a good wife and mother are my biggest concerns now. Although they are equally important to me, Jimmy does not cry or demand my time, and so sometimes being a good mom takes priority over being a great wife.  

Jimmy asked me to go to these shows as a favor to him.  I really love music and shows and my friends, but I'm a mom and I'm tired, and getting up the energy for three nights of shows seemed almost impossible.  Because I love my husband, and I agreed we could use some time together away from the baby, I packed my bag, dropped the baby off with my mom, and boarded the plane.  Almost as soon as we were in the air I felt better.  I knew Oliver was well cared for, and I was on my way for 3 days where my biggest priority was being a wife and having fun with my husband.  I even started to get kind of excited. 

Once we were in the air, Jimmy surprised me and told me that he got reservations at a Top Chef restaurant that night!  As you know from this post, Top Chef is my favorite TV show, and I was very excited.  It was nice to know he'd done something so thoughtful for me.  It reminded me that I am a very loved woman, and my interests matter very much to him.

We met his parents that night for dinner, and it was fantastic!  I very much recommend the Little Goat if you are in Chicago.  

The next day we actually slept in until 10!  It was unreal.  Oliver did not wake us up at the crack of dawn!  We did not have to go immediately into parent mode.  We lounged around for a while and then leisurely decided to meet our friend Adam for brunch.  We chatted and laughed and told college stories, and I began to feel more and more like myself.  

After brunch we went to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field.  I felt so calm sitting at the stadium and watching the game.  I absolutely adore baseball, and it was nice to be able to focus my full attention on something I love.  I sat next to my father-in-law and watched the game and just soaked up the time.

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24 Hours in Palm Beach

Blayne Macauley February 18, 2015

This weekend my family (just the 3 of us) went to Palm Beach for the night.  Jimmy grew up going to Palm Beach to visit his grandmother, and I've been going with him since we met.  I really enjoy Palm Beach for the houses and beautiful Worth Avenue, but I REALLY love the Four Seasons there.  Jimmy used to work for Four Seasons, so I got really spoiled.  We were able to go all the time. It was always special, but now that we don't get to go very often, I cherish every moment there.  Of all the Four Seasons we've visited, Palm beach is by far my favorite.  They are so nice and attentive to what we need.  They put a crib in our room, gave O stuffed animals and a rubber duckie, blew up our pool floatie, and brought us hot water for a bottle.  I was so aware of how lucky we were to be there for the night.  I know now that we have a baby, these little nights of luxury are coming to an end, in fact, this may have been our last one, and I'm so grateful that I've had them.  Who wouldn't want to be treated like a princess?

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What do you want to teach your kids? A letter to my younger self.

Blayne Macauley December 18, 2014

The other night my brother was over and asked me what was the number one thing I wanted to teach O as a parent.  This struck a nerve as it was the same question I had been asking myself since I got pregnant.  While I struggle to find the exact words, the basic idea of what I want O to know is that he is the person he is supposed to be.  His little personality traits and unusual interests are what make him who he is, and that deserves to be celebrated.  I want him to know he is loved beyond measure and has the freedom to explore who he is and embrace it. He was longed for, prayed for, and dreamed about long before he was born, and he's perfect.  I want him to fly his flag, be proud of who he is and know that his family supports him.  

Not to be cheesy, but I often think of the line, "I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger."

If I had one wish, I would love to mail a letter to my younger self imparting my 31 years of wisdom (I'm sure those of you who are older are rolling your eyes, but this is what I know now).  I imagine myself reading the letter and letting some of that growing up anxiety fall away...  or else I throw the letter away, because I'm 17 and know everything there is to know about life.

Here is my letter: 

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